The Dam Has Broken...

And, I can't see a damned thing.

Last week during therapy due to circumstances beyond my control (thus contributing to my new habit to stand around with my mouth hanging open because of all the things that are happening in my life that may be a bit beyond my control...or not, depending upon your current belief system...thus little messes that are needing my attention, and needing to be cleaned up before, I "grow into my new self"...a direct quote, by the way...leaving me to wonder if the old self was that bad) my therapist stated that I need to grieve because of life circumstances. Don't panic though, it's only a million little things that are adding up to current hilarity that is my life nothing catastrophic...

Normally if someone gives me the permission to grieve, I'm on it. I go to the store, buy a box of Kleenex, some chocolate and go through my stash of good make me cry movies...all while putting my feet up on the couch and wrapping myself in a cozy quilt. Any excuse to legally cry...

This time though?

Meh...Nothing.

And, I don't think that I have been trying to outrun what I'm feeling, I just think that maybe I wasn't ready? Then again, maybe I have been digging my heels...but yesterday after watching Definitely, Maybe...followed by Under the Tuscan Sun...(which wasn't near that sad when I watched it in the theater...of course that was before my trips to Italy and my divorce, so there's something to be said there)

I'm happy to say that the floodgates have opened. Or maybe more accurately the floodgates have left my eyes so swollen that I'm going to be forced to tell people that I've had them done this last weekend...you think with all the swollen eyelids, that it would transfer over to the wrinkles and that I would look younger...but, I actually look more purply.

I think this is the result of not crying when you need to, for a long time...you may have a lighter heart but you will probably have swollen eyes afterwards. But heavens...I certainly feel so much better. I was thinking last night about tears...and how many different kind there are. I've read about the toxic quality of some tears, and the healing quality of others, and last night I also realized that because of my current tears, I would probably be swollen this morning. I know myself so well...

So...I'll just use the large purple surface that has become my eyelids and pretend that it's in fashion...

Heck...at least there's more surface to make pretty, eh?

(oh...and I took these pictures of the eyes on the trees during our photo walk...I though they'd be perfect for this post...only they're not as swollen as my eyes currently are...well, that and I don't have a ladybug on my face)