I suppose though, this may only work if you're in a place where the elderly and the retiree's outnumber the sane...um, I mean, those who are not.
Yesterday in an effort to stroll back into my life in a graceful way, I opted to park the car downtown a little early to give myself time to run, or walk, as the case was, to a few of my morning errands.
You see, I needed to go to both the bank and the Post Office.
I went to the bank first, and then the PO as it is close to Snap Snap, and it just made more sense that way...trust me. I was accompanied by my ole' trusty iPod, and was enjoying listening to my new Weepies CD (this CD rocks by the way, they are very good though, so this doesn't surprise me...I can't wait to play them during an outside porch party some summer evening)
I walked up the steps to our historical downtown PO and went in and noticed a small line of 2 people waiting to be helped, with an additional 3 people already being helped at the windows, which was no big deal as I was only after stamps, I had plenty of time, and I was as previously mentioned, listening to some good tunes.
Enter: SomeOldGuy, um...elderly gentleman.
Now, I have noticed, living in this town most of my life that the elderly here will practically run you over to get ahead of you...it's like living in a town full of cats or small children...They're silently waiting around every corner to try to jet ahead of you and trip you. They pull out in front of you at the last minute in traffic, in an aisle at the grocery store,swerve in front of you to get a parking place (heaven help you if there is someone giving out samples or something else free away) and this is all before they give you a dirty look and then inevitably slow way down...This always makes me do several things at once:
- Slam on my brakes/stop dead in my tracks/swerve/hold my fist up while silently cursing
- Wonder why I'm getting a dirty look
- Wonder when it became OK to be very rude...I mean, these people are our elders...
- Question my validity to be here on this planet with these people who are obviously so much more important than I am...
- Wonder, what the hell they're in such a hurry for?
Really...why the rush? What do you have to do today that you need to be in front of me for? Go home and watch TV? Read a newspaper? Clip Coupons? Get in front of that guy over there? Or are these people just in a hurry to live the rest of their lives, because they may have finally realized that they are now hurtling towards death at a rapid rate totally unstoppable? Are these people then harassing DEATH making him want to use the scythe before the last sand bounces down the hour glass of their life? Do they run, moving towards the light, eagerly pushing other souls out of their way to get to...whatever?
Anyway...this OldGuy came in behind me, and started doing some major sighing...breathing down my neck in an impatient manner, and started tapping his foot, crossing and uncrossing his arms, checking his watch and trying to push past me in line to give everyone that was either in front of him a dirty look...or trying to catch the eyes of the PO clerks to give them dirty looks (is this why these people eventually go postal?) He was invading not only my personal space, but the personal space of at least 8 other people...
Before this was all over he came just short of climbing onto my back...
Then I coughed.
Because I have this allergy thing going on still. I am still healing from the infections in my body, and all the extra walking around makes me breathe differently and made my lungs work a little harder...they needed to be cleared out. I am not, nor ever was, contagious with this latest malady, and I am super careful to not cough on anyone in my general vicinity and I always cover my mouth. I just needed to cough. The one thing you need to know: My cough sounds really bad still.
And I noticed something out of the corner of my eye...
He stepped back.
So, I did what any normal young woman who is tired of being pushed around by the "feeble" elderly does...I turned my head and coughed in his general direction for good measure. And, for the rest of the minutes I was in line he stayed out of my personal space...
Of course, he had jumped into the arms of the young man behind him...but it was not my concern.