13 June 2007

In Need of...

Alone...

I had an amazing weekend. Truly incredible, one that made my head spin with all the fun I had, and all the things I got to do.

However, on the way home Sunday evening, I started feeling a little "off"

Luckily, with phone calls to and from a couple of friends ("...please tell me everything is going to be OK") I made it home...


In enough time to drop into bed...sleep a little bit, then make a running jump out of bed for my early morning walk and off to start the work week again.

There has been a lot going on in my life lately...plus, I've been having a few extra worries, ideas, and thoughts roaming around.

Some new, and some old...but all my stuff,
really.


And yes, I did have to work 6 days in a row due to an illness in the family...which happened to coincide with my trip away for the weekend (where some of the tired could certainly be coming from eh?) Plus, I've been noticing lately that I feel a little like a guest in my own home...like I can't quite get comfortable in my own space.

And, while the weekend was fun and exciting, honestly it was...

I am just feeling run down...

And overstimulated...

Both of which quickly lead to confused and sad as well.



Lucky for me...I seem to have a lot of help in my life (let's be honest though, everyone does...you just have to ask for it and start looking around)

First off, Monday was deliriously overcast...cloudy, breezy and cool...the perfect day to look for rain (we didn't get any, but it was still appreciated)

And second, I happen to have an in to one of the loveliest backyards in our town...

Which, after much begging and pleading (OK, I just made a small request and my wish was granted) I wrangled and invitation to park The Honey, and walk away.




Alone...

All by myself...

Into the rocks.

Where I walked and ran and jumped around for the better part of an hour.







I sat quietly and listened to the sounds of this place, the same ones I've been hearing for the better part of 27 years...marveling and wondering if I ever leave...

will the sounds come with me?
Will they ever leave me?
Does every place have it's own unique sounds?

Like when the birds sing at the first light of day, or when the wind makes the trees talk to each other...

How does it smell when rain falls?
Does it ever smell like snow? Feel like it?
Does the sight of lightning make other people want to run and laugh and play...trying to get to the highest point to be totally exposed?

All the while, I climbed and jumped and walked along the edges of places just a few weeks ago I would have found myself afraid to go, collecting the thoughts that have been flitting about. And, then I sat and looked at the lake, soaked in the pure beauty of all of it and cried for a long time...


And picked myself up, dusted myself off, and realized...like a million times before...

If I follow the same path again and again, walk out to one point, then follow the same path back to where I started...without looking around for something totally different, a really different way of walking this...how will I ever know what I'm really capable of? How will I ever know, what it is that I can really do? Or who I can really be?



Oh yes.
me.
again.

And, then I smiled...feeling calm, beautiful, alive, and totally full again, and walked back into the world, using a new path, one that I looked for and watched it show up...

just for me.



6 comments:

capello said...

yeah, that overstimulation not-knowing-yourself feeling gets to be a little much.

glad you did something just for you that brought some calmness.

Wende said...

And not a blurry photo in the bunch! Sounds like much needed time to clear both your head and your camera lens.

I know what you mean about alone time. Something similar happened this weekend for me--only it had to do with the B&B owner. I'm still trying to decide if I should blog it or not. :D

Catalyst said...

Wonderful, CB. Nothing like a trip into Mother Nature by ones self to clear the head. Great pictures, too.

sulu-design said...

I thought at first that sleep was what you needed (it's ALWAYS what I need when I'm in the mood you were in), but it sounds like your time alone in the gorgeous outdoors did the trick. My, you sound like such a different person than the lady who was blogging a few months ago. That's a good thing - how you've grown!

KSV said...

I love how your blog mimicked your epiphany. I think you should not be afraid to move or go or do what your heart desires. You know how sometimes indoor house plants grow too much and then you have to plant them somewhere else, like outside, so that they can keep growing, just think of it that way. You can do anything and do it well. don't be afraid.

Gadget said...

The Dells sure are the spot, aren't they? Spent some time last night in them myself. :)

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