18 September 2009

I May Be Getting Deported...

I just wanted to let you all know that I don't know how much longer I will be able to blog in this space...

Remember when I finally sent off my Passport Application? How proud we all were that after almost TWO years, I'd finally managed to fill out the paperwork, get pictures, write a check for the fee...and have them all in one place so I could put them in an envelope and mail them? Well...earlier this week I got a letter from The United Department of State National Passport Center.

Apparently, they're having a problem with my Passport Application.

They go on to state in their letter that there is a discrepancy between the data written on my current passport application and the data shown on my previous passport...and that I either need to send in a current valid passport (even though they already stated they have my passport...and another thing, if it was actually a current passport why would I be applying for another one in the first place?) or a valid birth certificate...and if I didn't respond to this letter within 90 days they would mail all my "evidence" back to me in an envelope.


I stood here in complete shock and can't for the life of me figure out what I did wrong when I filled out the paperwork in the first place...I actually found myself getting a little scared about the whole thing
(my mind goes interesting places...come with me if you will)

As I jammed home to get my valid birth certificate, even though I could have been late to open the shop, I became more edgy about sending my birth certificate off at all...I mean, what do I know what I filled out on this application, and why the heck it doesn't match my current passport? And what if they get this big pile of important personal stuff and start putting white out all over it and change things around?

I immediately called Rich and told him that he was pretty much going to have to marry me to keep me in the country so I wouldn't be deported:

Me: "Rich. There's something wrong with all that passport business that I just sent off not too long ago, and I think you're pretty much going to have to marry me so I won't be deported..."

Rich: "Oh...well, people that do that don't usually have good results you know"

Me: "Yeah. But...you actually like me! Hold on. Are you telling me that you wouldn't marry me to keep me in the country?"

Rich: "Well...I suppose if we had an iron clad pre-nup..."

Me: "You know...this is all very shocking because really all I wanted to do was renew my outdated passport so I could go visit Amy in Hungary via Italy, Spain, and Greece next year! It's all very selfless on my part you know..."

Rich: "Wait. Where are you going to get all that money and time off?"

Me: "Well...we'll be married by then and you can pay for it. Obviously."

Rich: "Hmmmm...actually, weren't you already married once? And wasn't that person a United States citizen?"

Me: "How should I know? Up until this morning I thought I was a United States citizen."

Rich: "I'm hanging up now."

Me: "Oh my gosh...I'm going to be like that Jerrard Depardu character in that movie, where he marries that girl to stay in the USA only they fall in love and whatnot and it was all tragic and made me cry? Although, I wish I had a great accent like he did because I'm sure then it would be much easier for someone to fall in love with me and then I could get married for the right reasons, although probably having an accent would make it harder to prove my US citizenship...and you don't think my nose is that big do you? How did that movie go anyway?"

Rich: "Seriously? I'm hanging up now"

So. I guess I need to plan a wedding now.

On top of all the other things I have to do? It just doesn't seem fair, and I just don't know if I have the time...what by securing a lawyer to draw up a pre-nup and shopping for a nice diamond ring...I don't know when I'll find the time. Then again, perhaps I should consider taking a class to learn how to fill out paperwork and we wouldn't be in this mess (because I didn't think it was all that hard when I was doing it. And to think...I used to be so on top of things)

Besides...I don't even know where they would deport me to.

I'm from here.

So, I pretty much figure that since I don't have a passport, and I'm actually from the United States, that I'm going to end up like that character in that Tom Hanks movie (honestly? I have watched all these movies and just because I can't remember the titles doesn't mean I didn't like them...you'll have to excuse me, I have a lot to worry about...I am potentially being deported for heavens sake...) and will have to live in an airport for the rest of my life.

And I have food allergies people.

Only I hope they don't send me to the Phoenix Airport, because it's not very nice or exciting...I would rather request LA or NewYork...of course I may not be in a position to request this at all...

I guess I'll have to wait until I either get my new passport in the mail, or I get an envelope full of my "evidence" mailed back to me...

...Or handed to me by Immigration.


Tricia H said...

Girlfriend...you crack me up sometimes! Between you and CakeWrecks, I usually get my giggles for the day...You could always come hide out in South Dakota! Very little INS presence here. :)

~Molly~ said...

Oh NO! I'm sooo glad I don't have the compulsion to travel the world!! Well, not really but I don't have the money. Gotta love g'mnt work.


TomboCheck said...

Just tell immigration you are a citizen of hungary. They'll deport you to where you want to go!

Then you just have to tell hungary that you are an american citizen, and they will DEPORT YOU BACK HERE. I don't even think you have to pay for airfare when being deported.

Catalyst said...

Great writing.

But Tombo - now that boy is always thinkin'!

thatgirldina said...

Can I be Matron (okay, that just sounds ooolllddd!) of Honor? I've always wanted to go to Hungary.

velvet brick said...

I'll hide ya in my closet if you need a place to stay!! LOVE the stamp photo...do share that technique, girly! : ))

flutter said...

HA! I knew it! :P

Anonymous said...

"Rich: "Well...I suppose if we had an iron clad pre-nup..."

Don't know why, but this cracked me up and made me snort real loud...LOL!

Rhonda Roo said...

oh oh wasnt that the one with andee mcdowell and she had the great apartment? green card?

Hey, you know, i have extra boys hanging around here.
maybe i coud trade your really good coffee press and a couple of those fiesta flowers for a marriage.

no wait, i think thats wronger than being here illegally.
not that i think you are mind you.

but really, anyone who wants to live in an airport. Was that in the pre-nup?

What'd you say your name was again?

Seriously though, thats CRAZY. Welcome to the USA....LOL.
PS Hanging Up- i think thats a movie too...

Kathy said...

Good luck! Hope it all works out! At least you are using some humor to lighten up the situation. :)


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