Building a Firm Foundation...

Okay.  So I had this huge post all written in my head about how since I own a resale clothing store, I watch women on a daily basis try on garments and struggle.  Most often they're struggling because the things they pick don't fit quite right...usually it's because they're too small...but sometimes, it's because they're trying on Jeans.  Jeans are a nightmare...and they follow no rhyme or reason on any kind of sizing chart created for the humans on this planet.  Trying on jeans give people low self esteem...

It's worse than the feeling you get when you try  on bikinis.

So, here I am waxing all poetic in my head about the first step to trying on things is to admit to what size you are...blah blah, and then it happened to me.

Lately I've noticed that there are things in my own personal wardrobe that are wearing out.  Things that my grandmother would call foundations.  To my grandmother's generation a woman is a totally blank slate that needs various things to be able to step out of the house.  There's the bathing and washing and plucking and shaving, applying various cremes and lotions and potions...then you set your coif and put on your face...but at the very bottom of all this lies a good foundation.

I'm not talking about 3inch heels here ladies...I'm talking about unmentionables (which I know may be confusing as to why I'm now choosing to mention them here, stay with me...it gets better)

It was these that I went shopping for yesterday...unmentionable foundations.  Which isn't usually a big deal, as everyone in my family usually wears the same brand of these types of things...we always have.  I picture us standing en masse on a poster somewhere, our fists raised in the air in a defiant We Can Do! It sort of way.

But yesterday, I found myself walking through the aisles looking for the same style I'd bought before and wouldn't you know it?  They've discontinued it...unless you want an non-underwire, which I've never been able to do.  I'm not a gifted woman by any means...but I like to go for support.  Which is why I never have a lot of frilly lacy unmentionables peeking out here and there, because support apparently does not equal feminine...in most cases.  Sometimes they put a bow on something here and there...

So, there I was wandering around wondering what the heck I'm going to do now, because I've totally left this until I can't ignore it anymore, and I have no idea where to start because It's suddenly becoming very obvious to me that there's no way I can buy my usual brand this time.  I decide to rally the troops and start where any educated and sane woman does...by remembering the last time I got measured for this and them telling me what I already know about myself.  I'm somewhere around this area, but in between this other area...you know?  Give or take.  Well, they don't usually make unmentionables for that size.  Give or take...

So, I went with what information I had on hand and tried one on, which was too big...so I went down a size, which was OK and thrilling (because at this point I'm patting myself on the back for being in the gym so much)  but it was a bit snug...so I went with another cup size because I vaguely remember reading that you can do that if you go down in inches around the middle.

It was at this point that I was walking around with an large armload of these things, because nothing was fitting...and I had no idea what to grab, so I had to grab four of each style...and after going in and out of a dressing room...too small, too big...too tight...I started to wonder, if this is such a scientific and measurable thing, why do I suddenly feel like Goldilocks?

After about an hour of this agony, I settled on a model I think I can live with.  Nothing gaping, or hanging over in unsightly places...straps where they're supposed to be and a lot of separate, lift, and support, even a little floral satin design...

Only...

Things had suddenly changed.

This model?

Huge.

Seriously.

According to what this foundation undergarments size tag is telling me, I'm seriously wondering how it is that I can walk upright all day and not fall on my face, or have major back problems.

I was so surprised by this development, so to speak, that I actually had to compare it to my tried and true brand...and found much to my surprise that it was almost exactly the same size as the one I was wearing, only the numbers and letters had all changed.

It's maddening.

And it's exactly why I could not in good conscience, post a blog about how women need to pay more attention to their sizes because it would be less frustrating and it would be easier for them to find things that fit.  Because apparently buying foundation garments is going to be like buying jeans.

Anything goes.

Sigh.

I may relocate to Dollywood.