I'll Stop the World and Melt With You...

In the spirit of most of my past dropping into my present life within the last few weeks (and me, tying up so many loose ends and having the opportunity to put down a ton of heavy baggage that I didn't even know I was hanging on to, or carrying around) I thought I'd do a little flash back picture and posting...just so I can remember how I got here, and what has shaped me (maybe it's a little searching as well for me...you see, I am quite amazed at the opportunities that have been popping in...amazed, confused and a lot of wondering, why? and what is this supposed to all mean, if anything at all?)

I thought I'd start with the D-man...one of my bestest friends, and someone I had a crush on for so many years, I don't know if I could count them all. We met in junior high (we have the same last name, so we always had our lockers right on top of one another) when he would kindly wait until I opened my locker and then promptly shut it before I could get anything in or out of it...as my mom explained to Rozz the other day, "girls like that sort of thing"...to be annoyed by boys. Sometime in high school, I reluctantly lent him a pencil with the agreement that he would never bother me again. He never did (don't get me wrong, I consider this man to be the closest I will ever have to a brother...so he does bother me a bit from time to time...but I'm sure the feeling is mutual!) We had several classes together, I helped him with his senior term paper, we went to movies, parties, listened to music (the title to this post, from Modern English, I remember specifically playing in the car stereo all the time one summer) celebrated birthdays, graduations, and hung out a lot together. Then I realized at some point that I had a crush on him...


oh boy.


I like to think that it was many years of bad timing on our parts that did not result in us actually having a more intimate relationship...but, I had the thought last night as I was driving home from dropping him off that maybe the reason we never got it together, was because we needed to be extremely close friends instead...and that if we ever dated, I could never truly appreciate who he is. We've spent endless hours talking to each other about almost everything you could think about, we went to college together (where he would come into my room and eat all my chocolate, because I was always talking about my weight...he still does that, and we would spend the weekends in countless slumber parties, watching movies late into the evenings) we went to each other's weddings (and were there for each other through our divorces) and now I'm lucky to get to spend more time with him as he's visiting for a month...and we're helping each other through even more life transitions...bouncing ideas off of each other, hiking and walking together, text messaging silly things to one another, playing with the computer (he's quite the computer savvy guy so not only is my computer functioning better now, but we've been watching crazy videos and downloading music) and going out to eat chicken wings (a lot...seriously he's suggesting it at least every other day...it was recently brought to my attention that he may have a slight chicken fetish)

I'd like to say that we're older and wiser, but I think we're older and sillier...I have laughed so much in the last 24 hours, my sides actually hurt...it's this total abandon laughter that is contageous, and both of us have to just sit and give into it...tears streaming down our faces and everything (I can't help but think how many years we're adding to our lives...and in the same breath, what am I going to do when he goes back to his regular life that doesn't happen here?) When I was first going through my divorce, I was worried that I would never find anyone else that "got" me...now I realize that my life is so very full of people that get me. Even after all these years...

especially after all these years.

...and I was thinking late last night, as we went out so the D-man could have yet another round of chicken wings (his second for the day) when we leaned into each other and linked arms to help support each other (as we've done countless times in the past, because that's what friends do, don't they?) mostly so we wouldn't fall while we were walking in the dark...how very lucky I am to have such a wonderful friend...

How very lucky indeed...