17 October 2006

Monday Thrifting...

As I mentioned yesterday, I found this loverly vintage dress at a local thrift. It was in between all the Halloween goodies, and I just about fainted...really. It was heart stopping mostly because it's too cute...and it was big enough to fit. I thought at first that it was a square dancing dress, and well you know what? I didn't even care...the blue and yellow flowers? Even the rick-rack on this thing is unusual. It's blue and yellow to match the flowers (of course) and intertwined then sewn on with a zig-zag stitch...a little creative don't you think? Something I may have to try soon...since I have so much vintage rick-rack just lazing around collecting dust.

Luckily, I got it out the door before a huge emotional breakdown...where I actually had to remove myself from the store before they asked me to leave because I was crying and well...I think that just scares the customers on some level. My sadness was not due to not finding any cute fabric or other wonderful stuff at the store, but some personal stuff that seems to be ongoing since the divorce (last week was my weepy week, and it looks like this week is shaping up to be that too...I oscillate from being numb to being sad...with leaky eyes all day long) I was talking to my mother at the thrift, on the phone, and to her credit, it wasn't her fault...it's just that I keep thinking after a year and a half it should be getting easier right? Well, like anybodies stories, there is complications...and mine seems to be complicated. Sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging on by a thread here, which is why I am trying my darnedest to keep myself floating by being creative...

I have cried a river, I have cried a song, I have cried the seasons in and out, I have cried the sun up in the morning and I have cried the moon full in the night, I have cried an entire apple crop, to which I have made pies. If anyone wants to know why Arizona got more moisture this summer? I think it may have been me. I have cried until I honestly thought I couldn't cry anymore...
And then I did.
This crying may have contributed to my amazing weight loss in fact (who knew crying was just as important as diet and exercise?) There is a huge part of me that just wants to take a long vacation from myself (when the going gets tough, the tough go to the tropics!) I don't think that's going to happen. Although, seeing the humor in this breakdown at the thrift (because through all of the emotional stuff, I seem to be hanging on to my sense of humor. I mean, gheeze, if I can't be funny then what's left?) The guy at the cash register must have taken a look at my leaky eyes and blotchy red face and runny nose, because he was trying to make small talk about the dress like:

"Oh wow...A Halloween dress...what are you going to be?"
and, I'm looking at him saying;
"Oh well...um actually, I'm just going to wear this dress,
um regular..."

Poor guy...and through all the tears in the car in the parking lot...my mom gently reminded me that "...creative people always seem to create through sorrow and adversity."


The good thing though, is with such swollen eyes, my fine lines and wrinkles are almost non-existent. Ah misery...my muse.


Susan said...

Hey, how come crying isn't making me lose weight? Maybe it's because I eat while I cry!!

thatgirldina said...

I'm having a complete twilight zone/deja vu moment....

I've stalked this dress. No seriously. It was at the Goodwill on the second rack of Halloween costumes as you walked int the front door. I picked it up on Saturday morning and walked around with it in my hand the entire time I was there...a good hour, at least. I too was taken by the rik-rak, and eyelet, and cheerful floral print. I kept thinking to myself "Self, don't you have enough vintage dresses that you don't wear? Do you really need another?". I went back and forth with this decision in my mind before finally putting her back on the rack. Her seam was coming apart on the left side. She was adoreable. I chose the mod plaid trench over this wonderful dress. Filled with guilt as I left the store, I carried on to the next thrift, but I hadn't forgotten about her. It's fate that you have this dress Sadie...I'm convinced of it. Isn't she sweet?
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling blue. Please know that Niko and I love you very much and if there is anything we can do, please do not hesitate to come over.

And girl...CRY!!! Cry yourself an entire Seine if you need to. You are one of the most compassionate, caring, strongest women I know and your tears are proof of that. Own your feelings Sadie, they are what make you...well, YOU! I know it goes against that whole idea that you aren't suppose to care anymore, but quite honestly, I think that entire way of thinking is just a bunch of carp. It's okay to feel what you feel...it's how you choose to react to those feelings that has changed. This probably makes no sense whatsoever right now because sometimes I have a difficult time putting what I am thinking into words. Just know that I'm here for you.

Big hugs. xoxo.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I was catching up from a few days ago and saw that I was scheduled on the delivery route for baked yummies. Well??? Where are they?

Just remember - two things - 1)crying is cathartic and 2) salt water's no good for you anyway.

Hope you're feeling more perky!


sulu-design said...

So sorry that I hadn't read this yesterday (in my attempt to get to bed early I skipped reading my usual blogs). I hope that you're feeling better, and letting yourself get out those feelings that you need to get out. Your cute new dress probably put a smile on your face, though!

Jolene George said...

See me waving my hand in the back of the room. I too am a crier. I'm so sensitive and emotional. I have found myself crying in public more than once while thinking about things in my life. I'm thinking I'm getting jipped because my weight is sticking to me like glue. It's hard to stay possitive...but we have to keep trying.


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