It was not good...It's been emotional at best...
Highly emotional...
But, all horrid crying aside...I was determined to make this a better week. I'm not exactly sure what that means, I have spent quite a few moments since my eminent divorce in some alternative/new age group and/or frame of mind, and according to that group and/or frame of mind...you create your reality. Well folks...let me tell you, sometimes it's hard to be jumping jack happy when you keep bursting into tears...or you think you've finally found firm footing, and someone walks by with an elbow out...and there you go...off the ledge again (repeating old patterns notwithstanding) So, we'll just call my life:
myownfunexperamentattryingtobeme
and leave it at that. I started the week off nauseous...nauseous and completely emotional, perhaps I was emotional because of all the nauseousness. It was not like a passing, "hey...I think I have an upset tummy" brand of nausea...but a low grade..."egads...I may or may not throw up" all. day. long. And frankly...something that I can not remember ever quite feeling before. The nausea would start as soon as I woke up...and just continue...all. day. long. I kept thinking that if I ate something, I would feel better (which is why my hip bones are not jetting out, and I still can't count my ribs) or, if I tried to distract myself, I would feel better (which helped, until I remembered to search myself for the feeling...and there it would be again) After a few days of this, I was searching my brain (and other people's brain) for what the reasons could possibly be:
3 People Said: The out of control forest fire (of which I am convinced was planned even though they were supposed to not do that anymore because of the recent CA fire episode) Although, the symptoms didn't seem to abate with the fire finally being put out...
1 Person Said: It's going around...I feel nauseous too....
1 Person Said: I totally just switched brands of coffee to something that is supposed to be easier on your stomach because of the way it's processed...and they probably run it through wheat and gluten first and then dust it off with dairy products (this was my theory)
Everyone Else: Just stopped and looked at me wide-eyed and said, "you're not preg.....???"
OH.
well...
The other night when I went to my mom's to bring by the chocolate even though this was supposed to be a holiday thing (in my defense...I actually witnessed someone stringing lights on a Christmas tree in their living room...oh yes I did) but in all honesty, I could not wait to sample some of the bars...So, we were sitting in the kitchen waving our arms around completely chocolate drunk and discussing the merits of facials (as we all seem to be having some sort of damned skin issues right now and resemble hormonal teenagers...seriously people, is it hormones or what?!) I stopped my part of the conversation and very seriously blurted out,
"I know why I've been feeling nauseous lately..."
My mother got a bit wide eyed, gave a bit of a start...and started looking around nervously out of the corner of her eye for something to hold on to...
I paused for dramatic flair (cause' I knew exactly what she was thinking...and we are master storytellers in my family...drawing things out to crazy long lengths, often changing subjects in the middle of a story just to prolong the suspense...it's an art, like storytelling ADD...because we know exactly what we are doing, and what mood we are creating...we are both the ultimate actors and muses in our own tales...plus, I personally knew the next words that were coming out of my mouth)
...
...
...
"It was the damned coffee...I totally grabbed the regular instead of the decaf...and apparently all the caffeine is making me sick..."
A sly whoosh of breath accompanied the reply...as she shrugged her shoulders and snapped nonchalantly back, all sing-songy...
"well, you just never know how things will affect you..."
giggle.
OH...she'll get me back for that...
someday.
(cause' you KNOW I totally interrupted her chocolate high)
All I know is that I'm back on the decaf and I'm not nauseous all day long anymore...
Things I'm Thankful For:
That there's still hope that I can be nauseous for all the right reasons instead of the wrong ones...and I DID actually figure out why I was feeling so very badly this week...even though I can't believe I used to walk around feeling that bad all the time...I just happened to recently stop caffeine again because of the panic attacks.
For learning storytelling from some of the more talented people on the planet...those whom have a sense of humor and a flair for the dramatic...AND, I get to play with and practice with them all the time...My goofy family.
4 comments:
You just scared the @#$% out of me! I could hardly read, I kept jumping all over the page to see what you're saying. Whew! Well I need to stop by soon to catch up.
I still think you would be the bestesest, mostesest, wonderful mother on the planet.
Oh dear. I'm so sorry you had a week like that, they are so not good for you. Hopefully your nerves will get rested this weekend.
I have to know, which is the best chocolate from Dagoba? Have you tried the elixers? Dark chocolate junkie here.
Molly
Yeah, I couldn't read fast enough to the end of this post. You had me going for a while there, woman! Love the story-telling skills!
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