A Petition to Rename the Month of February...

See you later February...

Honestly, each time I flip over a page on any of the various calendars I own to expose the month of March I do a little happy dance and thank the universe that that's over.

February.

What is wrong with you?

You are the shortest month, but inevitably you cause the most damage.  Is is something to do with your height?  Because I'd be more than happy to add a couple of days on, but only if you promise to play nice.  Otherwise, I'm sending you back to your house so you can think it over...we don't like to play that way around here, and the other months obey the rules.

Mostly.

I don't want to have this relationship with you...and I know this is the truth because I find myself believing that 2010 will still be an amazing year, even though I've been gritting my teeth through it so far.  I find that I am worried that I have great optimism and that I may be slightly deluded.

(I also live through the fear that there is someone out there slowly shaking their head because they're disappointed by my outcome...I'm equally parts worried it's me and equally parts worried that it's someone I don't care the least for, but am still trying to please with the way my life is shaping up.)

I also have had a sinus infection turned bronchitis turned ear infection that sat down and put it's muddy little feet up and stayed all of February...I've tried homeopathic medication, Chinese herbs, tea, tinctures, over the counter medication, oils, food, naps...I even cut up and heated an onion in the oven and put one half over each ear and layed there while its juice dripped into my ear canal and down my neck causing me to smell like an everything bagel for a week (the onion did work along with garlic/mullen oil...) then covered the pillows in my bed with a towel to catch all the oil (much to Mena's absolute delight as she apparently finds a towel more to her liking than flannel sheets and curled up and smiled and purred all night...so I guess technically I also slept with a cat on my head...but I'm sure the heat was good for my ears)  I even threw my hands up and took three weeks off from the gym (except for an occasional yoga class)

I'm tired.  No.  Tired doesn't quite explain it.  I am utterly exhausted.

I also realize that in my not to distant past that February has traditionally been an awkward and difficult month for me.  I think it may be that way for a lot of people...but I hate to carry that from year to year.  I want to put that suitcase down and walk away...and yet every year, I fight it and then sometime all of a sudden somewhere in the midst of February I realize it's not just me, it's February and then everything that is February rushes in swirling its cape all around and yelling, "HA!  Remember me?"

Yes February.  But please, use your inside voice...for the love of the smile that I've misplaced.

And yet, at my advanced age and all the wisdom that goes along with it (ahem) I am absolutely stymied by the fact that I go from year to year all the while having my Pollyanna visions and then seem to ultimately have the rug pulled out from under me, making me slide into a rather large and unyielding brick wall named February...all the while I'm trying to smile and sing-song it away.   I'm even worried that I've already written about it in this space, but I'm too scared to go back and look.  Ultimately I sit down and just give in and hope that there are enough pieces left over at the end to salvage...

I'm thinking of making a request to calendar companies that they put a water mark over their picture for February that says, "Remember:  Be gentle with yourself"  And I know that in the best of worlds this is a saying to try to live by, but in February?

It's a mantra.

It's not like I don't have wonderful and joyous things happening in the midst of the pallor of February, I do...but it's more like I get slapped over and over again making me feel like I'm in a Three Stooges episode.

Maybe we should rename February Moe instead.