Pupcakes and Grief...

Well.

I realized at some point yesterday, and it may have been when I was neck deep in marking down shoes at Snap Snap...that I may not get around to checking in here and writing a post.  Really.  There were a lot of shoes to mark down...shelves to clean, spaces to be filled up and organized...

It's that time of year around here.

And I was standing here thinking, "gosh my life is boring what am I going to write about anyway?"  Which of course, it isn't in the least...there's just a million and one things that have me biting my nails and aren't necessarily worth writing about in this space.  There's only room for one person to be putting their head in their hands right now...

On my day off this last week...I jumped right out of bed got up leisurely (sinus infection in the middle of all the drama last week you know) with no real concrete plans for the day.  It was my mother's birthday, so I did have some organic chocolate pupcakes and dip to make before we all got together Sunday evening...but that's pretty easy.

Unless you run out of soy milk and totally forget to check the cake mix package before you leave the store, and then have to call someone you happen to know is coming over (in this case, Rich) Then it takes a little longer than you'd expect.  But once I had all the ingredients, they came together very quickly...and deliciously, I might add.

I also went to the Library to grab my holds, which included the third season of 30 Rock and the first season of Thirtysomething.

There seems to be a thirty theme, eh?

But, I had thought that the episodes were just perfect for a lay on the couch on a cold snowy day type of day...except that in watching Thirtysomething I realized that during the time that particular show was on the air, not only did I enjoy tuning into it every week (which is saying something because I can hardly remember when anything's on anymore) but I honestly thought that's how my life would turn out.  That I would wake up and find myself Hope to someone's Michael.

Honestly...

It hit me across the face like a leather glove thrown out for a duel.  I would have been insulted if I wasn't so shocked by the whole thing.  It's like finding a piece of a puzzle that I didn't know had fallen under the couch and had been taken captive by mutant dust-bunnies.  I mean,  Whoa.  Here's this young couple who have a family and are struggling...in a Craftsman style house...living life, blah blah blah...

I came pretty close a couple of times.  But I gave up dreams and things.  I have the house.  Just on a smaller scale.

It was like seeing a group of old friends.  Only the whole thing kind of depressed me as I found myself almost instantly comparing my life as it is now to the screen and asking, "what happened here?" and then while watching these characters move through their lives trying to figure it all out found me a little anxious...luckily I have a lot of friends who are probably rolling their eyes (as you may be) while telling me that I have a great life!  I do.  I'm just a little amazed at how much of an impact this particular show had on my life...and I've been wondering how much it's been playing itself out in my subconscious for the last 20 years or so?

I mean, surely I haven't been trying to recreate a made-up show I saw on television a million years ago and when I've fallen short (as you probably will while comparing yourself to fiction) have given myself a hard time?  Surely there hasn't been some unwritten/written script playing itself out in my head?

I mean, I'm starting to see that often, I watch TV and almost instantly try to pair myself with the character I most want to be like.  Why not just be ME and see how that goes?

Good grief.

Do you do that too?

So, there was an initial happiness followed by sadness and anxiety.  I'm not too sure if I should continue watching the rest of the season until its end...

Then again, maybe it is a little more like life and I'm just hanging in to see how it all turns out?