You might as well know, I think the days of walking 8 miles may be over for the season (see? Hope springs eternal) I can't say that I'm too shocked (as I've been known to be a strong starter and a more, um weaker finisher) except for when I was switching out the summer and winter pants in the armoire and stopped to try on some of my winter pants from last year...They didn't fit.
OK, they did if I wanted to masquerade as a hoochie mama...
Not my best look.
To say that I'm disappointed in myself is a bit of an understatement. But, will that make me do anything about it? Walking into a store and wondering if a size 8 will fit, trying it on to see that it does is an amazing feeling...especially coming from a size 18. And my current size 10/12 is probably in all actuality fine.
I asked a psychic once if I was going to get thinner...he stopped sighed, rolled his eyes and asked if it was just OK to be fine with where I was at...could I accept myself?
I don't know.
The thing about walking 8 miles a day, was that I broke it up into two 4-hour walks...one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I am running out of time...and sometime light as we rush headlong into the winter months. I've been walking so much that I feel like I am in training for something, a song recently shuffled through on the Nano's play list...the song that has the chorus:
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door...
Oh yes, I can relate to that...only no one was walking to fall down at my door, unless you count me...it is like the Incredible Journey...or kind of like when you ask a dog if it wants to walk..."do you wanna' go for a walk?!" "oh yes...yes yes yes!" My body practically ran out the door all excited for weeks on end. Finally one day, it stopped, put it's hands on it's hips, started tapping it's foot, looked me square in the eye, and said,
"hold on...weren't we going somewhere after all of this?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, are we working towards a reward? An extended hiking vacation? Something where we'd win some sort of prize or at least a t-shirt for participation?"
"Oh no! We're doing it to be healthy, in shape and THIN!"
(this being accompanied by a little dance to seem like it was more fun to be doing this than eating a cookie)
my body stopped sighed, rolled it's eyes and asked if it was just OK to be fine with where I was at...can't I just accept myself?
I don't know.
7 comments:
I know for a fact that you have a new super cool pair of Chacos. Those sandals are made for walking. :) Clearly with the latest temperatures you need some smart wool long underwear..... :) Gotta break mine out too.
Why is that women are so prone to degrade and belittle themselves into such despair with body image? Blaming the media is a cop-out. We are suppose to be older and wiser now.
Sadira, you ARE just perfect where ever your "healthy" body is! You need to allow yourself's soul and mind to catch up to that. Motivation in staying in health is hard at times. Could there be other factors in your life that are preventing you to be accepting of where you are right now in body image?
Please just allow your light to shine sweetie. You are wonderful and hind-sight ISN'T cracked up to be what it is suppose to be!!!
Walk, hike, do what brings you joy. Just stay in health.
N
If a psychic ever told me that, I would open up a can of whoop-ass and ask if he saw it coming.
Oh sweetie, I feel you, I do, I do!! I've been at it all summer and yeah, not seeing much progress. It's hard work and sometimes, it you just have to persevere until you break the plateau. In the meantime, accepting yourself where you are is hard work too. Maybe even harder than losing the lbs.
(and might I suggest a little weightlifting with the walking?? It works!!)
I am soooo like you, in getting things started with a bang and then.....tapering off unless I have some sort of inspiration. This early darkness thing does throw things for a loop (is that the right saying? I always get my idioms confused) as winter approaches. That happened to us with biking. I too, would say, do what you can and what you want, and you'll feel good, even if it's dancing in the house while it's dark outside and taking hikes with friends on weekends. It's all good!
(...turns her beloved friend around 180 degrees.... motions her arm out in a slow sweep, smiles softly and says....) "Look, Sadira...look how far you have come!"
Accept my friend for all that she is...and no longer isn't. I do.
xoxo
VB
It sure is tough to find body acceptance in this world we live in. Even if we somehow manage to accomplish it there are so many people trying to constantly force their opinions on us.
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