Escape From...

.....................

What exactly I do not know...as I've found that no matter where I go, there I am. Sorry, I know that's about as overused a saying as is using once good music from the 80's is for silly commercials on TV lately (lovely, yet ruining it forever in our minds)

Upon discovering I had extratime on my hands this fine morning, I dropped my "stuff" off at the shop and had an inexplicable urge to escape...just play hooky. I've had this idea once or twice while driving in the direction of OUT of town the thought, "would anyone notice if I just.....?" being blurted out in the car by me so suddenly, I look around to find the culprit. So, I walked around town instead (wishing I had remembered to bring the camera as well) doing a little window shopping while on the way to the bank. I passed a local jewelry store and stopped to peer into the window, and it being the Aprily time of year, they had on display, diamonds. Pretty shiny sparkley diamonds...something I could put on and Flink a Sparkle for sure...

The thought, "if I ever got married again...one of those would be nice..." crossed my mind...shortly before, "...or those Keens...I could go for those Keens instead (I was walking by the shoe store at this point) It would probably be more practical"

sigh.

Practical like making your own coffee in the morning instead of grabbing a cuppa to go from a local coffee house, or wondering if you should just bank your part of the stimulus package instead of spending it on anything other than bills...or making a batch of cookies because they're cheaper than buying just one from the Health Food (my mother and I were discussing this and decided that if you made your own then you'd have the problem of having a dozen or so cookies sitting around tempting you...does anyone know if you can freeze peanut butter cookies?)

Apathy. Apathy has finally set in...

It was then that I thought again of escaping from town for just a day (I have a different day off this week) for nothing hiking/active wise, but something frivolous and fun...and almost immediately I began questioning myself about the validity of using $$ for gas when I could be probably be paying a bill instead. The thought of just acting spontaneously is one that brings a little fear into my heart, as I'm more of a planner...in fact, it's the planning that's often the best part, and by the time it's actually time to take the trip...I'm done. I'm also a saver, and usually can only justify something if there is a holiday/event/birthday to buy for, or only if I've saved the money to do something crazy with...I don't come by spontaneity easy. It's sad really...and it makes me wonder why? I mean, I actually have these weird recollections of a different version of myself running off to do something totally crazy...but, as I'm recalling them, I'm also realizing that usually something totally unexpected came up and caused a bit of a monkey wrench to be thrown in the works and stress me out, leaving me wishing I'd just stayed home. So, we'll call me more of a planned spontaneity gal instead. I only throw caution to the wind if I've planned it out before hand (which is totally nuts) and it's not that I don't like going along with someone's hairbrained scheme, I think somewhere I have internalized the idea that it's more responsible and adult if you plan for things.

Why is it that some people are totally able to be spontaneous and others of us are resigned to wring our hands in the background wanting sometimes to be out in front, but worrying instead if we've turned off the stove instead? I realize instead that I usually surround myself with these spontaneity people and tell myself in my head, "...it's OK...breathe..." whenever they want to dash off...maybe we all get along so well because we're constantly balancing each other out. I knew if my therapist was around she'd tell me to try and experiment do small acts of spontaneity and see what happens (I almost called her to see if I could go to Europe with her) But instead, I threw caution to the wind, called up Deenie and proposed that we have a casual Friday...one so casual, we didn't show up to work (hey...one day of planning is sort of spontaneous right?)

As it happens, we're adults and we usually have to work, cook, clean, take kids to T-Ball...that kind of stuff.

We launched instead, into the fantasy of staying the weekend in Phoenix with no obligations other than relaxation and fun again like we did last year instead...soon, as it seemed like more fun instead of just a few hours of crazy girlie time. Which is fine...and a better plan indeed, but not really taking care of that nagging feeling of escapism or throwing caution to the wind and doing something totally spontaneous and crazy...

I went to Cuppers instead and grabbed a decaf coffee to go...

It was a large.