Dusting The Shadows...

In lieu of making New Year's resolutions...I took the easy way out, and treated the end of the year like every other day...only with more going out to parties and drinking champagne.

I decided I would not start the New Year out with the thought of depriving myself of anything during 2008. I would, instead, try to improve on what I already have, and take a good long look at the parts of me that may need improvement, so that I may finally bring to me the things I truly want in life. The things that I have been secretly thinking of and wishing for...my entire life. Stopping to examine the shadow parts, the painful things that I have so long buried deep within, hiding them from myself and the rest of life (although, in my experience...those around us often shed light on those shadows, and help us see what we've been missing) I'm wanting to take time to pause, and try to see who I am, and what I am doing to stand in the way of having what I want...and then trying not to sabotage my chances, thus turning into my own worst enemy. I'm just having a hard time slowing down enough to see...

Maybe I don't want to. Perhaps I'm scared? But, I'm tired of being scared.

It's hard to change what you can't or won't see...and sometimes it's hard to change it once you face it. So, I decided to do what any red-blooded American girl in therapy would do...I decided to go on an organizing and cleaning binge in my Kitchen...

The kitchen has been sorely neglected...things getting all covered in flour from all the baking...things and stuffs piling up in the corners and in all the spare places...almost every blank space piled with something...and things spilling out of the cupboards and drawers (Which is terribly sad, as I painted the cupboard under my sink to match the rest of the kitchen cupboards at one point, and you couldn't even see it...what with all the things in there.)

I started under the sink, clearing out all the cleaning agents, taking some to the shop, dividing others between the bathroom and the laundry...placing the rest in their places under the sink...a few in the nifty new chrome slide-out basket I got at the Hardware (I'm saving up for the trash can) after scrubbing it all out down there...including the insides of the doors...

It is sparkly clean...and I discovered that I have a lot of dish washing liquid (who knew?) and silver polish...Lot's of it. I have no idea why. I don't use silver polish all that often, yet I have 2 bottles of it...perhaps I will take in silver to polish in the new year...you know, more ways to distract myself from change?

And, I certainly couldn't stop there...why I don't know, but I just couldn't (honestly, I did not have organize on any resolution list...that's never on any list) I tackled the dinette space in the far end of the kitchen...otherwise known as the ultimate catch all. I have never actually eaten a meal at my kitchen table, there was too much crap stored under it (and no place for your feet...which means I had to try to make the tablecloth long in the front so that that wasn't so noticeable) I've used it for a buffet, a storage area, and a place to display my collection of vintage table cloths...and even though there is a vintage cake/pie carrier on one of the chairs...I am confident that I can move it on short notice in case I want to have dinner on the fly...

Not to be confused with a fly in my dinner.

Or eating dinner with a fly.

I felt so great after clearing out this space (vacuumed and scrubbed) I proceeded to clean, clear off and polish the counter tops...wash all the dishes, do 4 loads of laundry (including the kitchen rugs) and fold and put all of that away (including the 2 from last week) washing and changing the sheets on the bed...dusted and polished some wood furniture...and fed and watered the plants (and the cat...but, that's a given)

The kitchen feels and looks so different...so very good. It was easier than I thought, which makes me wonder why I haven't done it sooner? I want to cook, bake and create in there...I actually smiled when I walked in to pour my morning juice and coffee...I find excuses to go in there now.

I'm wondering if it will feel like this in my life, in my mind and body when I face my personal shadows...all the dust and clutter? Now that I've been brave enough to face those parts of the kitchen, maybe I can be brave enough to face those parts of myself.

I wonder what the before and after pictures will look like of that?